Confessions of a love junkie!

I know exactly how that is. To let someone slip into your life unnoticed, how quick someone is to say I love you, gifts, promises, attention, nice gestures, to get convinced they are the best thing that ever happened to you, making you go crazy…making you feel you are no more daddy’s lil princess but theirs…you go through a radical change for them…trying hard to please...

And then the cycle starts when they hurt you intentionally, becoming sweet the next day...hurt you again...And you hang on hoping each mean-to-sweet cycle is going to be the last one...When they say nasty things about you chipping away at your self-esteem and confidence...Apologies that follow… But the damage is already done!

I know how it is to love someone who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have, and you cling on hoping for that ‘some day’ to happen when they 'grow up' to understand. You ignore that inner voice from within and it’s pleading attempts to make you face the 'reality'.

Those times you hope they would stand up for you.. but they aren’t quite the hero – not the way you're probably expecting…When friends and family start those unsolicited advices ‘he’s just not that into you’ ‘he’s just so not worth it’ ‘give it up’ ‘move on’ ‘you’ll find better ones’  'girl, you're a princess, he's an ogre'. And you bear it all in silence…hoping for that ‘someday’ you can take it up with them…

On those gray days where the morning looks no different from the noon or the night…When nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen...yet you hold on…hoping for a ‘change’ from the struggle…Hoping for a sign...When your mind sends signals ‘it’s never going to happen’ and you are so 'unmindful'…You listen to your heart, their dwelling place…those days you cover up your hurt under trendy clothes.. layers of makeup…faking a smile… ready to face the madness that starts at nine…When it ends at five and your wrecked totally yearning for a comforting shoulder…unwilling to take any that’s offered…waiting the never-ending wait.

You literally make yourself sick, because you promised yourself that the last time would be the last time, and once again, you’ve let yourself down…And then, the sweet release…(that’s the best way I can describe it), your heart feels like a balloon that breaks free to float into the sky…followed most immediately by a cruel sting…Knowing that they came back to wish the final goodbye…the relief that was a minute ago vanishes like the morning mist…and you feel like you got a fist in the pit of your stomach.

When you get those mixed feelings of love, self-loathing, emptiness, rage, hatred and finally a calm like you never felt before. When reality kicks in…sinks in…you lock yourself and cry it out…grab some toilet paper and wipe those tears…rubbing hard on the tear stains like your rubbing the flashbacks that stain your heart…You throw the bloody tissues into the toilet and flush...watch them as you flush them into oblivion, wishing it were really that easy to flush their thoughts and move on like they did!

Life in da Indian Ghettos...

Yeahhhhh this for ya ‘A’.. Nah lil’ ‘A’…

Long time…ya man

MR…that’s me, desi ye…

Come on in

Got a lil’ somethin’ for ya…shobha de

Akon, ma man

Give a holla to da Indian ghettos

<Hook>

G to the H to the E to the T…T to the O to the S..

Da dreaded Indian…M to the A to the L to the L to the D to the Y

Ma pot-bellied lack-luster friends [aye ;)]

Ya’ll need a lil’ observation & clarity (asap)

Nawwww those slumdog stories from rags-ta-riches

Are just a fantasy

Havin’ fun commercializin’ the plight of ‘em

Caught up in da throes of poverty

I’ma bringin’ da power of music fo liberty

I’ma gonna rap, hip hop n rock on

Fo the feds, ye to turn them on…

Ma invisible bros n sistas in dharavi

Wait up… der hella lot mo! kasimedu..sonagachi… (et al)

Come down now…ya’ll

Sing with me…sinng itt…

<Verse 1>

Ah! boys in ya BMW n Lamborghini flashin’

Let’s have a slum tour, time fo some right thinkin’

Throw off yuh Pumas n Nikes

Throw yuh hand on that boi all smilin’

Plastic sunglasses, bright colored muscle tees, his clothin’

Ya, there’s no mistakin’

He’s got mo than ya eyes are seein’

He no live in luxury, no gated community,

No multiplexes, no malls, no shoppin’

He ain’t got a rupee, in a shanty he’s livin’

Da glass door of a showroom he’s peerin’

He sees da legend sachin’ him scorin’

His gum loudly poppin’, along with da others he’s crammin’

It’s an oddity out there, da words studyin’ n readin’

No books, no lights, kids ain’t dreamin’

Lean cattle grazin’, homeless kids runnin’

Red stains of paan n political slogans,

Da roads n walls, they're decoratin’

The homeless under bridges and in pipes, they livin’

Open gutters n stagnant water ‘em pollutin’

Not enuf restrooms fo dem slum dwellin’

Da whole place in its excreta it’s drownin’ (hell ye!)

Da communal flare-ups steadily risin’

Transgenders, rowdies n ganstas, they crowdin’

Poverty, drugs, traffickin’ with ‘em spreadin’

Ye its quite bowel-churnin’,

But that’s all he’s lived up seein’

His single mother she’s dyin’

The burden on his sista it fallin’

In her heart she hate it there, she’s cryin’

Her pimp is waitin’ n she’s rushin’

She’s numb to it, but she’s barely 16

She hits da back seat, da taxi driver some tips he’s gettin’

Unmindful of the acts behind, the mirrors he’s tiltin’

He can’t bear to see it no more, he’s burnin’

Stealin’…fightin’…he’s slowly learnin’

With his surroundin’ soon influencin’

Porno books n DVDs he’s sellin’

Whoa! coke n weed, he’s growin’!

The mafia is welcomin’, the feds them noticin’

He starts his runnin’, there ain’t no stoppin’

Her fate doomed, child in her arms she’s beggin’

Ye, that’s so ghetto…

<Hook>

G to the H to the E to the T…T to the O to the S..

Da dreaded Indian…M to the A to the L to the L to the D to the Y

Ma pot-bellied lack-luster friends [aye ;)]

Ya’ll need a lil’ observation & clarity (asap)

Nawwww those slumdog stories from rags-ta-riches

Are just a fantasy

Havin’ fun commercializin’ the plight of ‘em

Caught up in da throes of poverty

I’ma bringin’ da power of music fo liberty

I’ma gonna rap, hip hop n rock on

Fo the feds, ye to turn them on…

Ma invisible bros n sistas in dharavi

Wait up… der hella lot mo! kasimedu..sonagachi… (et al)

Come down now…ya’ll

Sing with me…sinng itt…

(Inspired by : Akon's Ghetto)

Ma love's in a state of 9-1-1!

<Intro>

Im’a brain dead… its dusted...

It’s half past three and I’m busted

Ima’ tryin to get it all off my chest

before I could grab some rest…
I scribble, I score, crinkle it up, it ain’t easy
It’s tough this hook shit..bless you slim shady!

Ok here we go… the flow has started

Keep your guard… fair warning fo all ya faint hearted…

<Hook>

My words are ma weapons…to get at 'em men easy quitters

All you girls jumpin' through hoops for ‘em… all is not gold that glitters

Those red roses, breakfast-in-bed combos, alla that just blinders

Catch me if you can… ye that’s the game.. of ‘em uncaring philanderers

Ah! whack-a-mole is whole lot easier, settle fo nothing less than whacha deserves

Nah..I ain’t no relationship guru, just ma two cents worth on this matter

Coz ma love's in a state of 9-1-1, I aint know if he’s a loser or a lover…

<Verse 1>

Sweet talkin’ guys, ima’ gonna ask you girls to stay away forever

Give ‘em your hearts… and they’re on their way..can’t see ‘em never

They walk a 500 miles n a 500 more to fall at ya door…awww! quite a love letter

Try to put a ring on it, and you’d see ya hearts on da floor, what’s mo sinister?!

It’s a lover girl that tells ya this…take it or leave it… whateva

Ima’ fool fo thinkin’ he’s gonna carry me to a castle, ma knight in shinin' armor

No goodbye, no final kiss, just all too sudden, I can't get much wronger

Got me all fired up, left me to clean up the mess all by meself, ah so clever

Let him find da missin’ piece, but he’s missin’ from my relationship radar

It’s da C-word that he dreads, ye his biggest conversation stopper

He’s out there gettin’ new numbas on his phone, a standing ovation to ma fickle lover

So quick to forget, Ima’ not surprised, ain’t expect anythin’ better

Braggin’ his one night stands, I’ma gonna give him love lessons for a starter

Coz Ima’ left to regret ma belief, I’d give it his name if I had a tumor

<Hook>

My words are ma weapons…to get at 'em men easy quitters

All you girls jumpin through hoops for ‘em… all is not gold that glitters

Those red roses, breakfast-in-bed combos, alla that just blinders

Catch me if you can… ye that’s the game.. of ‘em uncaring philanderers

Ah! whack-a-mole is whole lot easier, settle fo nothing less than whacha deserves

Nah..I ain’t no relationship guru, just ma two cents worth on this matter

Coz ma love's in a state of 9-1-1, I aint know if he’s a loser or a lover…

<Verse 2>

Let’s wipe less tears this year, it’s ‘em reasons that are often unclear

But ye there’s signs, signs everywhere… it’s the same fuckin drill, I swear

It all start with a wandering eye, ye it’s shameless that unblinking stare

Nah nah knock it out silly it isn’t worth a try, they got ‘em bigger fishes outta there

Geez that “treat him like you don’t care” game not work, might just backfire

Grow up…didn’t momma tell ya’ll…staying power is what that matter

I gotta case studies of broken hearts, fallin fo ‘I love you’, ‘You are da one forever’

Somethin’ of ‘em all..the love junkies and their pattern, I’ma guessin’ it’s a flair

When the time to run is up, the hide-n-seek games start..oh ye unfair

Ya’ll not a priority, no more …there ain’t no calls...the texts they become rare

‘I ain’t have no monies’, ‘I need space’, ‘it’s about me not ya’, that sound familiar?

Worst of it all, ‘let’s stay friends’, show ‘em what you got, stick up that middle finger

They back… Then they’re off…back again??!!! wtf..sounds like a personality disorder

Love ya’ll, miss ya’ll when they go farther?!! Ask ‘em to marry and they’d scamper

The harder ya’ll try, the harder ya’ll fall, ye the truth is bitter

Come on…I’ma runnin’ outta tissue papers, shake ‘em off ya’ll ain’t need no pied piper  

<Hook>

My words are ma weapons…to get at 'em men easy quitters

All you girls jumpin through hoops for ‘em… all is not gold that glitters

Those red roses, breakfast-in-bed combos, alla that just blinders

Catch me if you can… ye that’s the game.. of ‘em uncaring philanderers

Ah! whack-a-mole is whole lot easier, settle fo nothing less than whacha deserves

Nah..I ain’t no relationship guru, just ma two cents worth on this matter

Coz ma love's in a state of 9-1-1, I aint know if he’s a loser or a lover…

Wake me up when it’s over

Turn the music on, I gotta beat this down

Ma ups, ma downs, my smiles and ma frowns,

Let’s take a lil trip, i’mma gonna ask ya to get a good grip

Coz we’re gonna say hello to pain, and yah you might go insane

My mamma left me when I five, hell no lie

Papa loved me, fed me, dressed me

There ain’t no lullaby to sleep, just enough reasons to weep

Playing catch with meself, papa ‘tot me as he’s a loner himself

No summers smashin’, I stand to watch ma homies do go-kartin

Found a way in ma books, no summer’s day by the brooks

And ohh -I guess ya didn't know, it’s quite a show  

I was in ma 6th grade, proud to be in ma school parade

My shirt is grey & messy, ma girlies all tidy & pretty

No mamma to wash..it’s ma fate, damn Mrs. Higgins is quick to hate

The gals all in giggles havin fun, tore me apart the humiliation

Papa was the best man, soon he turn ‘em all into ma fans

I was ten and ya bet, the monster in my closet not scary

Coz Im’ma reality, man next door is ma reason for worry

Papa trust him but he’s full of rust, a pervert with foul stories of lust

6 feet into the ground is now da cannibal, burning in the highest flame of hell

The road gotta a lil rough with coming of age, furthermore gettin’ stuck inside ma cage

Uncles, aunts & friends…I ain’t no what these words rilly meant

Things no turn any betta with adulthood, Imma yearning for a second childhood

No that’s just not alla that story, there‘s lotta more that’s worth ma fury

So unless you was me, don freakin’ try to judge me, it’s funny

With a pride that’s left of ma own, Im’ma fighting with a life that beat me down

 and yo ya came along, when Im’ma looking for ma papa who was gone

Kudos ya played me well, ya magic with words that’s how I fell

Ma fault I love a man, who neva stay home, breakin' me down to ma bone

When you was hungry, I fed you a hot meal

Love your pay-back style goddamn lies, that ain’t a fair deal

            Ah…your father gave me a scarlet letter, you watched me burn…you ain’t no betta

Give him a holla from me, open up ya mind, don't ya get hooked up to his kind

Pretend like ya only do what ya told, good riddance yeah…I know how far ya bold

You’ve forgotten the rules 1..2…3, go on now roll up a weed in glee

Keep beefin up it don’t matter, alla that liquor take you nowhere

Stop clowning around coz it’s time, try and walk on a straight line

Red pill or blue pill, imma gonna let ya take the call

Blue pill and the story ends, red pill and we enter ma wonderland

Well duh...this seems like forever, brin' it on, wake me up when it’s over…