My Silence is Born With Me

My silence is born
with me - within me
consoles me
all the time
And I used to love
This silence

but now, a thunderous silence
some unforeseen one
comes from nowhere
and tries to break through my thoughts
and fills my mind and spirit

this silence speaks with me
in a language
that my heart interprets
but my mind
fails to relate

This silence torments me
day and night
with eyes that speak
I try to move away from it
But it fills my mind
With strange feelings
And with reflections of darkness
It attracts me to it.
with these disturbing thoughts,
I try to steal myself away -
inside myself, I try to take cover
And I cry silent tears
Unable to break away!

Fear of the Unknown

Getting up from my corner
i embark on my pink beauty
listen to my favorite music
keep driving
smiling at the kids
on the way
enjoying the pleasure
of riding alone
with the soulful breeze
flowing through my hair
gently brushing my face
i drive towards home
a pleasure ride!

I get an eerie feel
i look back
only in time
to see the darkness
unfold and chase me
this dark feeling
always chases me
wherever I go
no matter whatever I do
I can’t get it
out of my mind

I ride on
and it rides with me
slowly overtaking me
and penetrates me -
all the while whispering
strange words into my ears
i get that fear – a fear of this unknown
fear of losing my grip
fear of losing myself to it
i ride faster and faster
to reach home
before it grasps me
and takes me over completely!

But this darkness
shrewd as it is
outdoes me
and spreads before my eyes
blanking out the lights
and the blaring honks
until I see nothing but darkness
and silence folds in
with no music
to my ears
i give in to this darkness
i give in to this silence
without putting up a fight
i surrender myself!

Broken Strings!

I sit on the porch
Waiting to see your face
Counting the minutes
And watching the
strangers pass by
For a minute
I think I saw you
But no, it was not you.

All fully clad up and neat
My sari neatly folded
Into pleats
with strands of flower
that adorn my dark hair
with kohl-lined eyes
that’s all for you
I sit there all alone
Waiting for you.

I see you
in the distance
My heart jumps with joy
As you draw near
There is no smile
And that gives me a fear
You reach me
and look at my dress
and your words
Hit me like thunder
“Whom are you trying to impress?”

I sit all alone
Once again
My emotions are all
running in circles
thinking what should I do
your words always
causing me pain and regret
which I am not able to forget

I wish I could just
push these feelings off
out of my way
I’ve tried and tried to do this
But the more and more I try
I just realizehow hard it is.

Those never-ending promises
Ring in my ear
All carried away forever
As if by thin air
With bitter accusations
deluded perceptions
YOU crushed it all
And it’s all gone forever!

I leave you alone
To make you realize
what’s your fame
Yet you sit there
In my mind and spirit
Making me cry
when I hear your name!

I crumbled for good

Your face moved
smiled in a faceless crowd
I smiled back
and it truly showed
what I felt inside.

I was a rock
until you came
and broke me
into pieces
I crumbled
Letting myself go
With the flow.

My heart
beats so fast
when I look
into your eyes
I realize
That all I need is
to be your wife.

I count on you
to stay and gather
what’s left of my world
and to grow old
together for I know
that one day
I’ll make a story to be told.

I am not alone!

He says
He was a flirt
telling jokingly
to girls he loved them
could not make any
binding contracts
And he always got away
with his histrionic gestures
Until he met me
To whom
He never used
those three words

He says all this
to me; to one
who has learnt
to mistrust
but somewhere
at some point
I began to trust
that he is
remotely serious

I sit and listen
to him
talk for hours.
And as he speaks-
I focus on his words
And the way his mouth
makes those sounds.

I know I'm not
meeting his eyes
and he can tell I'm staring
and he humors me
relentlessly
and we pretend
we are having
a casual talk.

The percussion of his
lips and teeth
the piano strings
of his tongue
the squeak of the wind
escaping the corners of his mouth
take their turns sounding out
and somehow their music
turns into thoughts
and ideas
and feelings.

I do speak sometimes
But he lets my words
To be few
and eventually I learn
to appreciate and listen.
His wild talk
sometimes puts me into ennui
sometimes takes me with it
on gentle waves of reassurance
that blows the winds of change my way
and all my fears unwind
until I learn -
I am not alone!

Don't Kill Me Mamma!

I lie there
in my wee home
surrounded by
the fluid of care
and love
hoping and yearning
to see her face
to see the world
to see my family
someday…
oh, how I wish
I was born!

I hear her-
reciting the verses
singing a lullaby
her fond coochy coos
her chiming bangles
and rhyming anklets
oh, how I wish
I was born!

I can feel her
the warmth of her hand
all over me
Her gaze -
down on me
watching me grow
The air of love
that surrounds me
Oh, how I wish
I was born!

I hear voices
That fill me with qualm
their talks turn
to whispers
I hear her sobs
I feel her tears
on the walls
of my little home
I long to be there
and listen to
all they say
Oh how I wish
I was born!

I hear her
as she says
She will miss me
As I realize
the truth
my eyes fill
with tears
will you make me bleed mamma?
Will you let me die?
I will miss you too..

She hears me not
I lie there silently
Holding on to dear life
Oh, how I wish
I was not formed!

Dad, I Miss You

My dad was not a good dresser
He was never trimmed and neat
With simple clothes and footwear
just to protect him from the heat.

He never spent lavishly
Nor drove a sparkling car
He never took any vacations
And never went any far.

He worked for long hours
To make a good pay.
And even if he's sick or tired
He went to work each day.

He was well versed in English
and the arts
And wisdom is something
That he constantly imparts.

He was a simple man
And for riches he didn't thirst.
He loved his family
And to him his family was first.

He had six kids – yes he did!
He inculcated in them
a true sense of right and wrong
and he often taught them
on how to be strong!

He never had much money
and his life was never a show
He still is the richest man
That humanity will ever know!

Honey, I Miss You

I'm sitting here
near the window
I reminisce
and think about you
The days we used to share
It’s driving me crazy
I just don't know what to do
I'm just wondering if you do care?

I don't wanna let you know
how I feel
How the pain is
That is killing me
How difficult it is
To kill time without you
I know you’ve got things to do
and things to look into
But do you feel the same
As I do?

It’s been a long time
I am lost without you
Since you went away
I don't really feel like talking
I forgot how it is to eat
and how it is to sleep
There’s no one here to love me
Honey do you understand?
I can't do or be without you
Can you hear me calling for you?

Life is Incomplete!

I smile
I chat
I laugh
I feel
I live
yet life is incomplete…

I have mamma
I have papa
I have friends
I have neighbors
yet life is still incomplete…

I have talents
I have a name
I live in style
And have fame
yet life is incomplete…

I have that someone
I have him
I have his love
I have his interest
yet life is incomplete without him…

What are these feelings?

What are these feelings?
These muddled ones
That I have?
I seem to love you
at the same time
I seem to loath -
At times I feel
I can’t live
without you
but at times
I feel like breaking up.

What are these feelings?
Taking up my
mind and spirit
making my knees shake
when you are in sight
and fills my heart with fright
When will all this stop?
When did it all start?

I’m so confused
What do I do?
I can’t think of
anything except you!
Should this be ignored or
Let time answer it
Oh what do I do?
My heart says one thing
and my mind says another!

The Disease Called LOVE

The darkest clouds
surround me
my heart aches
With thoughts entangled
I find myself alone
caught in this disease.

This mundane world
Drives me crazy
everyone is friendly
fake smiles -
hiding some secret
haunted by this disease.

I just go astray
I feel so cold inside
Sorrow has frozen my mind
Fear has become a companion
My soul disfigured lying there
I search for peace
But oh this disease!